Preparing for your marriage... not just your wedding.

This past weekend we were invited to share a little bit of our story as a married couple at "Save the Date" (LCBC's class for engaged/dating couples).

We talked about how we met and got engaged. Our first year of marriage. Trusting God through the difficulties we experienced that year. And our move to PA. It was a really neat opportunity. And it was something that I wish we had when we were engaged.

The night posed some interesting questions in my mind. The biggest one...

If I had prepared as much for our marriage as I did for our wedding, how would that had changed things? 

Now, before I go on... I love my husband and I love our marriage. I would not change a thing about our life and experiences together (including our wedding). However, we have also learned a lot of things the hard way. We had some tough conversations after we got married that would have been a lot better to have before we got married. I think we both realize now that, had we taken more time to focus on the being married rather than the getting married, our marriage would have been even better from the start than it was.

So, to you dating & engaged ones... how about you? Are you taking the time to prepare for your marriage? or just your wedding?

It's so easy to get caught up in all the planning and the pretty that we can forget to do the work necessary to have a solid foundation in our relationship with our husband/wife. Or maybe we don't know how to prepare for our marriages.

We're no experts now (just one year-ish later), but here's some ways that have helped us invest in our relationship and that we wish we'd applied more purposefully back in the day...

Find mentors. Find a couple whose marriage you admire and respect, and spend time with them. Lots. Let them rub off on you. Let them show you what a healthy, thriving relationship looks like. Find newlyweds and couples celebrating their ten, twenty, thirty-year anniversaries. Talk to them and get advice on how to handle life together any stage.

Talk to each other. Talk about the tough stuff and the silly stuff. About how you'll manage your finances and who will do the dishes and take out the trash. About what kind of pets you want and how many kids you want and where you want to live and work. Know those things going into it.

And most importantly... pray. Pray for your marriage. Pray for each other. Pray together and individually. When you're both on the same path, seeking Jesus, communication becomes way easier and way more meaningful. You're able to be more patient, more loving, and more understanding with one another. It makes an incredible difference.

If you're engaged or married... what did you do before getting married or what do you do now to prepare for/invest in your marriage?

xo,

Jess

Things we love about | Being Married

We've been together about four years now (married for one), and while we're quite happy together, we're no experts on being married either. It's just that if we've learned anything, it's that seeing the glass half full makes all the difference. This isn't a lesson or even advice. It's simply a way for us to remind ourselves what we love about being together.

And perhaps inspire you to remind yourself of something positive you need to remember too. 

So here it goes...

1) Never having to say goodbye. It's like a hang out time with your best friend that never officially ends. 

2) The laughs. When you're with your best friend that much, you accumulate the longest list of inside jokes imaginable. You're also sure to have someone who will lovingly laugh at with you when you inevitably do something stupid.  

3) We're always at home. (figuratively, not literally). We can be on one side of the country or another or in an airplane right in the middle and it doesn't matter. If we're together, we automatically feel more at home. 

4) It's really, really difficult. I know you're thinking "wait, isn't this supposed to be things you love?" yes. It is. And this is one of them. Marriage takes a lot of hard work and sometimes we get frustrated, exasperated, angry, drive each other crazy... you get the idea. But through all of that, we're learning to be patient and love selflessly. The difficulties are countless opportunities to respond in a Christ-like way. We often fail. But God still grows us through them. So we've learned to love that our relationship, just like anything worthwhile, takes work. 

We could go on, but we'll spare you the really mushy stuff. You're welcome. 

Now, what are some things you love? It could be about anything. What are the good things you need to remind yourself of when things are a little difficult? 

Make a list and remember them. I promise it'll make you see things differently. 

one year ago today

on a cold and grey day in January

we laughed and cried and danced

and promised to love each other forever