here's your microphone

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We've grown up in an age of social media. Where information is shared at a faster rate and higher volume than at any other point in human history. There is no longer a universal source or organization that provides us with education and information. We have become the information providers & the educators. 

For instance, say I need to learn how to cook something for a dinner party we're hosting. I have a few cookbooks that I love and try things from occasionally, but that's not where I turn for the information I need. Instead, I type pinterest.com into my browser of course. Then I find a blog written by a girl on the other side of the country and thanks to her, I know what I'm making for dinner and how to do it. With some personal tips and witty humor thrown in. Or if you're like my husband, & you need the chords to a song you haven't played before or advice on how to hack an iPhone, you google. you find a forum or blog where someone walks you through it. And you learn. Not from an institution or a textbook, but from another person just like you... 

So, dear friends with facebook and twitter and pinterest accounts and blogs where you share your life and thoughts, do you realize that you are teachers? That you are an influencer? That this thing called social media is your stage and your microphone? your platform. your voice. amplified.

Now, what would you like to say? 

That is the question I have been wrestling with this week. We have such a precious opportunity before us. We have audiences of strangers and friends who are literally reading our thoughts daily as we share them. Will we take this opportunity to inspire, educate, encourage, and challenge our peers and our successors? Or will we simply add to the noise?

By God's grace, I want to be doing those first things. always. 

xo

Jess

remembering what breaks your heart

It was the summer of 2008. I was 18 and I had just gotten the email that told me I would be able to go to Romania even though my assigned team could no longer make it.

I sat there on my parent's porch, with the breeze gently pushing against me, letting it sink in. I was going to fly half way across the world by myself. I was going to go to a strange country by myself for two weeks. I was going to go because I'd read stories of the children there who have no one to love them or care for them and it broke my heart so deeply that I did everything I could to find my way to them.

My plane landed in Bucharest. I rode into the city in a small car driven by a sweet man who spoke to me in broken English of how much God had changed his life. I spent a few days a week in the small, outdated hospital in the city where little ones were abandoned and the nurses took no notice. I helped to change and feed them, but mostly I just held them and played with them. Just loved them.

This is Elena. She is the most beautiful child I have ever seen. Someone abandoned her. I don't know the circumstances of that, and I don't pretend to. But I was able to do something to help, if only for a very small portion of her life. My heart was broken over her story, one that is so common there. My heart was broken and burdened into action. 

This June, it will be four years since I took that flight and held Elena in my arms for the first time. 

Since then I've gotten married and moved across the country. I've become caught up in school and friends and home and to-do lists. And most days, I don't think of Elena. I don't remember the little ones who are still homeless and uncared for like she was. They are far away. And I am busy. And my heart forgets why it was once broken. 

This past week I came across this post on abortion and this post on adoption... My heart broke again as I was reminded of that burden I used to feel for the abandoned and unwanted. I may not be able to fly to Romania tomorrow, but I can still act. I can still remember and be burdened and live differently because of it. Shame on me for not doing so already. & Lord, thank you for the reminder.

Have you ever felt a burden to fulfill the needs of others? Do you still remember what your heart has broken for in the past? Do you still act upon that passion?

May we never forget the unwanted and abandoned. May our hearts be continually broken and burdened into action. 

xo

~ jess

p.s. If you'd like to read more about the organization I teamed up with in Romania, you can find it on their website here. 

Learning Patience

[me and one of my oldest, dearest friends circa 1997. Yes, be jealous of our bangs.]

So often we don't realize what a huge part of our life something is until it's no longer there. We were living where we both grew up in California. We were surrounded by friends and family who had known us for years and been with us through our ups and downs. We had history.

We were prepared for & expecting to miss those people. We definitely do. And it's difficult, but at least expected. I don't think we realized how much we would miss that history though. No matter how much you "click" with a person you've just met, nothing can replace those years of memories that built our relationships before.

Now, I am naturally pretty shy, but I love people & I love being close with them. I can also be a little socially awkward in unfamiliar/group situations. So in our first couple weeks here, I would ramble. If I felt a connection with someone new, I would get instant word vomit. I just wanted to tell them everything about my life and be instant best friends. (Thankfully God is gracious and it's likely that only a couple people think I'm a complete narcissist).

I was trying to force myself and others into deep relationships that take time to develop & cannot (& should not) be contrived because I was so afraid to be without those relationships. It took becoming that socially awkward, rambling version of myself for me to recognize that fear for what it was: a lack of trust in God.

I still have that fear, but I can choose to let it control me or to give it up to Jesus on a daily basis. I can choose to be a slave to that fear (or any other!) or I can choose freedom in Christ & listen when He says:

Let me sustain you in this time. Let me use it for the purposes I have planned for you. 

It takes time to build history with people. I will never have a friend here who can reminisce with me about our 2nd grade teacher. Who can laugh with me about our awkward adolescence. Or even who was at our wedding. But I know that God is faithful. I know that he will provide those strong, deep friendships that we need. But it will be in His time. And until then, I will learn not just to wait but to wait on Him and be free from fear and uncertainty.

Dear friends, It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Gal 5:1 NIV) If we will only let go of our own fears & trust that God will provide for us, we can experience a freedom like no other.

What is controlling you? What is it that you need to give up to God? Pray that He would give you the strength and faith to trust Him and not give into fear. He will do it.

~ jess

KONY | 2012

While on the subject,

Where do I stand on the Kony controversy? Well before I do that (if you don't already know), here's what really bothers me: The fact that if someone disagrees with the opposing side, they automatically view that person as the enemy. I mean seriously, I've seen some comments and words exchanged that would make people seem like they were writing them to Osama Bin Laden, or Saddam Hussain - but they're simply to a fellow American or Christian.

These words are lashed out in anger/hate. Names are being called. There's demeaning going on, mocking at, etc. I've seen it all over Facebook, Twitter, blogs, Youtube, etc. People are fighting - in a harsh way, about a fight over seas that some people care about, and others not so much. You know what I think? I think people are free to think however they'd like, and will continue to do so regardless of how convincing an argument.

The problem is you aren't going to argue someone into believing what you believe; it's very difficult to do, and usually leaves people feeling beaten up, rather than feeling like they've found truth. Think about it. If you want to convince or persuade someone of something, insults and offensive language aren't the way to do it. You will more likely turn someone off to your idea rather than get them to agree with you. The moment something hurtful has been said,  that person will go from a potential source of influence to becoming someone harmful.

Just like I'm not supposed to condemn a person for rejecting Christ - but to love them, I'm to do the same with someone who disagrees with me on any other matter: diet, organic foods, musical taste, immigration laws, etc.. Understand that I'm in no way implying that I succeed at doing this all the time. I know I struggle with loving those who disagree, but lines have definitely been crossed and I feel as though people have turned fellow Americans, or fellow Christians into a Kony they can attack through the internet & behind the protection of their computer screen.

missing the sea

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Disney's The Little Mermaid was released the same year I was born and is the first movie I ever remember seeing. When I was about six years old, I genuinely considered swimming into the bay and becoming a mermaid but opted out because I didn't want to leave my family. Part of me still wants to believe that's actually possible.

I grew up just down the street from the sea. It's always been a part of my life as long as I can remember.

Have you ever had a place that, every time you are there, just leaves you in awe of God's beauty... That leaves you standing star struck by the vast, amazing work of art before you... That place for me has always been the ocean. I've never lived farther than fifteen minutes away from it and now that I no longer do, I realize how much I took that for granted.

But to be honest, missing the sea has made me realize how closed minded I have so often been to beauty of another sort. The same God who created the majestic coast of California also created the ever changing hills that surround me now. He created waves and sandy shores, but He also created trees and sunsets and seasons. All of which didn't have to look pretty in order to be practical, but are. God has created a beautiful world for our enjoyment and His glory. So who am I to say that any single stroke of this painting we call home is of lesser beauty and value than another?

I still miss the ocean as much as ever. But I am learning to stand in awe of golden light shining through intertwined branches. of snow that blankets hills in pristine white. of bricks and rooftops laid three hundred years ago still standing. I am learning to find beauty in the everyday things that are not yet familiar to me. And I am learning to see God's workmanship where I never thought to look for it before.

We are far too easily pleased.

Recently, I've had a lot of time on my hands. The husband's now at work full time. School hasn't started yet. And a social life takes time to form in a new place.

 So what do I do with all my time? Well, I've been trying to put it to good use and into the proper pursuits. And of course, things that make me happy.... Read more books. Take more walks. Spend time outside. Make new friends. Unpack. Keep house spick and span. Organize. Unpack more. Organize what I just unpacked. Keep in touch with old friends. Make new ones. Make art. Decorate house. Bake vegan cookies. & lots of other great things.

 And I've been doing those things. They really are great. There is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with them. But to be honest, they don't make me happy.

 Here is what I'm learning... When it comes down to it, no amount of books or walks or artistic or social accomplishments will fill my heart. They provide temporary smiles, but they do not fulfill. They do not define. They do not sustain. I pursue these things to pursue happiness, but if I'm honest, I rarely find it there.

 And while I am giving my time to all these good things, there is a loving God who desires a relationship with me (and you!) and promises us true fulfillment and joy if we would only find it at the source, in HIM.

 Here's a quote from a sermon by C.S. Lewis & one of my favorites...

 "Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and staggering nature of the rewards promised in the gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

We must be willing to abandon the pursuit good things, for the pursuit of what is best. We are far too easily pleased.

For me, this means giving less of my time to those good, artistic, beautiful things, so that I can spend more of my time with my Creator and Savior. The only source of true and lasting Joy.

What does it look like for you?

Ps. We quote C.S. Lewis a lot around these parts. If you've never read anything by him, I would highly recommend it.

The rough patches

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: 

It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” 

~ C.S. Lewis

These past few days I've been battling a rough case of homesickness.

As excited as I was (and am) to be here, I've been feeling really alone and a little lost. There are wonderful people that we've met. But we've still just met them. I'm longing to be surrounded by those who know me best. And they are all so far away right now. I don't want to give up and go home. I just want to be done with this phase of moving already.

I am glad we're here. And I know that God brought us here. But that doesn't necessarily mean things will automatically be a breeze. It doesn't mean that I will magically make friends overnight. It doesn't mean that we won't miss our families and life long friendships back in California.

The reality is, God hasn't promised us that this would be easy or that we'd even like it.

But He has promised to never leave us. He has promised to give us peace. to give us joy in the midst of all things. That we will never really be alone. That He will provide for us. That His plans for us have a purpose... It's a long list.

Because I know that... It's now up to me. I can either crawl into a corner and try to escape, or I can recognize God's sovereignty and choose to trust Him.

God grows us, speaks to us, comforts us, and loves us in the midst of pain in such a tangible way. He makes it worth it. Because I know Him, I know that it will be.

So, dear friends. Keep us in your prayers. Pray that we would allow God to grow us through the rough patches.

Also, here's some adorableness thrown in for good measure... you're welcome.

a quote that put a knot in my throat

I follow John Piper, a well known author and pastor, on twitter. He’s not one of those people who tweets once an hour, but more like once every few days. When he says something, it’s usually worth taking note; much like C.S. Lewis.

Anyway…

I read one of his tweets a while ago and it pretty much slapped me across the face. twice.

It was somewhere along the lines of, “If you’re afraid of offending someone when you speak, nothing will ever come out of your mouth.”

It’s been a while since I’ve said anything, via Facebook, Twitter, on here, etc. The reason? Well to be honest I’m constantly fighting letting people’s opinions run my life. And for a while I’ve been losing. I care about what people think about me. My thoughts, my music, my perspective, my life. Although I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing, I’ve realized I care too much. Too much to the point where I no longer say or do or write anything because I’m afraid of how it’s going to be perceived. Can I be honest with you? It’s a miserable way to live. It really is.

Call it cliché, but I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how hard I try to be cool/acceptable/trendy/hip, I’m always falling short in someone’s opinion. And I think I now know why. They are dealing with exact same problem I am.

You see, God took the blindfold off and showed me a mirror. I’m always tempted to be negative and critical of others. You can ask my wife. My close friends. Call me a Debbie Downer because I have an eye for pointing out what’s wrong in people, in life, and in circumstances. But my wife is the complete opposite. I think that’s why I’m starting to see it in myself. What makes this whole thing ironic though is that I’m as fragile as thin glass when it comes to hearing criticism from someone else. Especially people I don’t know. If there was a phobia for being afraid of hearing negative things about yourself, I would have it. Even constructive criticism is like taking a baseball bat to the gut. It hurts so bad that I try and avoid it at all costs, missing out on ways to improve. Sometimes I’ll even break down in tears.

I now know that I tear others down, sometimes in harsh ways, in order to make myself feel better about myself. My sinfulness leads me believe that when I point out the flaws in another person (most of the time just opinons not facts), and magnify them so greatly, that somehow by doing this, I fool other people into focusing on how bad they are and not how bad I am.

How malicious the human’s heart is.

So where does God fit into all of this? Allow me to try and describe to you how I see it in my mind.

I find myself in a room the size of a large living room. In it are people. All sorts of people. Big people. Small people. People I know. People I don’t know. Angry people. Happy People.

They’re all crowded in this room with me; facing me. All telling me things. Good things, bad things, unknown things, things left to my own interpretation, some are whispered, some yelled across the room. This chaos of verbiage is all going on at the same time; picture the chaos of the stock market happening in your living room.

God is also in this room.

But unfortunately, because I control the proximity of the people in this room, I’ve put God in the back corner; behind the people inches away from my face yelling things at me.

God’s speaking to me too, competing for my attention behind these people, trying so hard to be heard; to get me to look at Him.

You see, the entire room is telling me what to change about myself; what they like and what they don’t like.

God’s no different. He’s suggesting that I change certain things about myself too. But the way He presents these suggestions is totally different from the rest. He’s not the loudest voice, He’s the quietest.

But the choice is mine. I turn the volume of the voices up or down. I control who is where in the room. I’m left with the responsibility to re-arrange these people, to turn others down some, and to kick others out completely.

I call this room influence.

What is influencing you right now? Am I? What about the last website you were just on? What about this morning? This evening?

I’ve found that throughout my day, I will be inviting things (or people) into my room of influence; sometimes not even realizing I sent out an invitation. Some of the faces in my room have been there for years, others I will only see for a day.

Who, or what, is in your room?

Celebrities? Television? Radio? Friends? Money? Culture? God?

For me, I had to kick some people out, turn others down, and bring God in a little closer.

Something that came along with God coming in a little closer, was the reminder of how short this life is. In it, are the lives of others that are just as short, and many of them in very similar rooms. Rooms filled with just as much, if not more people than were in mine. Leaving you, just like me, feeling inadequate, or hurting. But God might not be in your room. Maybe the lights have gone out, leaving you completely clueless to what’s influencing you.

My hope and prayer is that if you’re like me, prone to retreat and hide when facing criticism or inadequacy, and calling out what is wrong with the rest of the world, that you’ll find courage and strength to be who God made you to be, but also be open to letting God mold and change you. Learn and follow the perspective of Jesus through the Bible, allow God to change how you’re mind works. Not only will it be freeing, but it will allow you to help others as well.

Sincerely,

René

Thoughts on prayer

I'm taking a queue from my dear friend Laura today.

She recently posted a blog about how her sweet, amazing grandmother who is losing her vision. She asked for prayer.

I started praying for her as I read the post and found myself saying, "Lord, I know that you have the power to restore sight to the blind. You have done it... I read about it yesterday..."

I'm going through a reading plan on YouVersion called the Essential 100 and read Mark 8 yesterday.

 ²² They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. ²³ He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?” ²⁴ He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.” ²⁵ Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.

I'm going to be real honest right now. I kinda tuned out while reading this yesterday.

Simply because I knew the story. I'd heard it in Sunday School and High School chapel and in Youth group. It's not that I didn't believe it. It was just familiar. But as I prayed for Laura's grandmother today, looking at the photo of her right in front of me and asking God to do something that He has done before... That story in Mark became so different. It became alive.

See, it isn't just a story. That blind man was someone's family. Maybe he even had people praying for him. And Jesus restored his sight.

That Jesus who healed the blind man is the exact same Jesus we can pray to today.

Our God is powerful.
He is capable.
He is unchanging.

May we keep this in mind when we come before Him in prayer and be encouraged by it to do so more often.

Things we love about | Being Married

We've been together about four years now (married for one), and while we're quite happy together, we're no experts on being married either. It's just that if we've learned anything, it's that seeing the glass half full makes all the difference. This isn't a lesson or even advice. It's simply a way for us to remind ourselves what we love about being together.

And perhaps inspire you to remind yourself of something positive you need to remember too. 

So here it goes...

1) Never having to say goodbye. It's like a hang out time with your best friend that never officially ends. 

2) The laughs. When you're with your best friend that much, you accumulate the longest list of inside jokes imaginable. You're also sure to have someone who will lovingly laugh at with you when you inevitably do something stupid.  

3) We're always at home. (figuratively, not literally). We can be on one side of the country or another or in an airplane right in the middle and it doesn't matter. If we're together, we automatically feel more at home. 

4) It's really, really difficult. I know you're thinking "wait, isn't this supposed to be things you love?" yes. It is. And this is one of them. Marriage takes a lot of hard work and sometimes we get frustrated, exasperated, angry, drive each other crazy... you get the idea. But through all of that, we're learning to be patient and love selflessly. The difficulties are countless opportunities to respond in a Christ-like way. We often fail. But God still grows us through them. So we've learned to love that our relationship, just like anything worthwhile, takes work. 

We could go on, but we'll spare you the really mushy stuff. You're welcome. 

Now, what are some things you love? It could be about anything. What are the good things you need to remind yourself of when things are a little difficult? 

Make a list and remember them. I promise it'll make you see things differently. 

Back to home from home

We spent this last weekend back in Monterey, CA for my first wedding of many to come between now and next fall. (I took the photo above during a little break in the reception... I fell in love all over again with those city lights along the bay under cloudy skies).

How strange it was to fly info SFO and try not to let it feel like arriving home after a long trip. Like Lancaster and LCBC and our beautiful old city and little kitty had all been a pleasant but lonely dream. I'e flown into that airport so many times. And every time, whether warm and welcoming or a little sad, it's meant coming home. always. Until now... Now we were just visiting and the word home is supposed to mean a cold place thousands of miles away that none of those dearest to me know much of.

And it was hard at first, to wake myself up to that. I think if I could have helped it I would have waited a bit longer before going back. Waited until Lancaster started to feel more like home. That takes time and we just haven't had much yet.

We had a wonderful time in CA. Seeing our families was so refreshing. And there were a couple friends I was seriously considering kidnapping and bringing back to PA with us. But all of it got me thinking about what "home" is supposed to mean. It's such a big, deep word for being so commonly used. It's never meant just your house, the place you live. It's where you keep what you love. Where Rene is and where my family and friends are. Where we're inspired and creative and challenged to live our best. That's been California for so much of our lives. That's a scary thing to change.

But relationships and life are what make home "home" after all. Those are things I think we tie to places when they probably shouldn't be. No matter where we are, our God is the same. He is the same God in Lancaster, PA as He is in Monterey, CA. He is faithful and loving and strong. None of those things have changed or ever will change with our location. He is the ultimate source of life and the ultimate relationship. And He is here. So... we are home. wherever that may be on a map.

Unpacking a wonderland

So when we made our move, my wife and I decided to cram as much of our belongings into 4 very nice suitcases we got as Christmas gifts.

The contents of these four suitcases has been the majority of our home for at least 3/4 of the month; mostly consisting of clothing, and a few other personal items. But because our boxed up house was going to be in California for a while, we were loaned a mattress, a café table with two chairs, a couple pots and pans, kitchenware, and some beach chairs for our living room. It was just enough to get by.

But last week, with the help of a couple of movers, we unloaded every single box that was, at one point, lying in a room in Salinas Ca.

Now, every single one of those boxes is here. Right next to me. In front of me. Behind me. It's like a maze of boxes. Truly a child's dream playground. It seems my imagination no longer see's boxes as monster trucks, space ships, or secret caves..

But René, why don't you just unpack them all?

Well, that's a good suggestion. And I guess to a degree we are doing just that. We actually have about 90% of our living room unpacked. The television is up, so is the xbox, Jess's work computer, some living room decors. We actually endeavored to put a dent in our kitchen the other day; only to leave us realizing how much stuff we had.

Yesterday I wrote a blog about influence, though it was more about abstract forms of influence like relationships and words.

And although again, this concept isn't new, being around tons and tons of boxes does something to the mind.

It brings in a sense of being claustrophobic; leaving one desiring for a clear open space.

I'm not fond of unpacking. When the two go head to head, packing and unpacking, packing snatches the prize when it comes to being painless.

I'm just anticipating having a carton-free home at some point.