Monday, March 12, 2012

Learning Patience

[me and one of my oldest, dearest friends circa 1997. Yes, be jealous of our bangs.]

So often we don't realize what a huge part of our life something is until it's no longer there. We were living where we both grew up in California. We were surrounded by friends and family who had known us for years and been with us through our ups and downs. We had history.

We were prepared for & expecting to miss those people. We definitely do. And it's difficult, but at least expected. I don't think we realized how much we would miss that history though. No matter how much you "click" with a person you've just met, nothing can replace those years of memories that built our relationships before.

Now, I am naturally pretty shy, but I love people & I love being close with them. I can also be a little socially awkward in unfamiliar/group situations. So in our first couple weeks here, I would ramble. If I felt a connection with someone new, I would get instant word vomit. I just wanted to tell them everything about my life and be instant best friends. (Thankfully God is gracious and it's likely that only a couple people think I'm a complete narcissist).

I was trying to force myself and others into deep relationships that take time to develop & cannot (& should not) be contrived because I was so afraid to be without those relationships. It took becoming that socially awkward, rambling version of myself for me to recognize that fear for what it was: a lack of trust in God.

I still have that fear, but I can choose to let it control me or to give it up to Jesus on a daily basis. I can choose to be a slave to that fear (or any other!) or I can choose freedom in Christ & listen when He says:

Let me sustain you in this time. Let me use it for the purposes I have planned for you. 

It takes time to build history with people. I will never have a friend here who can reminisce with me about our 2nd grade teacher. Who can laugh with me about our awkward adolescence. Or even who was at our wedding. But I know that God is faithful. I know that he will provide those strong, deep friendships that we need. But it will be in His time. And until then, I will learn not just to wait but to wait on Him and be free from fear and uncertainty.

Dear friends, It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Gal 5:1 NIV) If we will only let go of our own fears & trust that God will provide for us, we can experience a freedom like no other.

What is controlling you? What is it that you need to give up to God? Pray that He would give you the strength and faith to trust Him and not give into fear. He will do it.

~ jess


Daisy said...

Love this post! For me it is the fear of not knowing. I wonder so often what will happen in the future with RJ and I getting married. I'm not trusting that God will take care of us. Thanks for the reminder :)

Becky Borgman said...

I have a friend just like this. We lived next door to eachother from the time we were born, remained best friends through elementary, junior high and high school together. Ended up going to the same college and then transferred together, and then lived together in college. After we graduated she moved to Hawaii, California and now her and her husband live in Germany. It has been so hard to go through so many life stages without her right here. She only met my husband twice before we got married, which was really strange. But I am so thankful for a friend who not only knows me now, but who has known me for as long as I have known myself. It is a true gift!

Heidi said...

I am completely new to your blog, I read this post and thought "she is talking to my soul". I then went and read your 'about us' and can see why your post got my attention. My husband and I got married May 2011, I immediately moved from my family and friends in Oklahoma to Philadelphia where he was attending Optometry school (he is also from Oklahoma). We lived there for 9 months and now we are moving around the country for his rotations, every 3 months, a new city for a year. We will be back in Philadelphia in the fall, and we love Lancaster! The corn maze there is awesome!

Anyway, I have been struggling so much with feeling lonely, and frustrated. My husband is so busy with school and studying, and because of moving every 3 months having a stable job where I meet people is not happening. God has been testing and teaching me so much the past 9 months. And trust is one of them. I get so impatient when I meet someone and we don't instantly become BFFs, or I see girls shopping together and I long for that. All my friends live within an hour of each other in Oklahoma, and I find myself envious of them.

Thank you for sharing a little of your heart. I need daily reminders that He is in control and it is all in His perfect timing. Even if all I want is a girlfriend to know my heart like my friends back home :)

Sorry this was a novel of a comment!

yagabail said...

I love you! So stoked our picture has lasted this long. I'm a proud friend.. Not just because I'm in a blog.. word! BUT, because you are pretty much the business. Friends come and go but God always remains. I love the fact that friendships can build us up and also force us to depend on God more than ever. You followed what God has for you there, your actions speak louder here than ever and your heart for the Lord is shining so greatly where He has you now. Some lucky person.. (Dang you future friend!) will be lucky to know the sweet, talented, trusting friendship like yours. Loveee you much Jess. Oldest friend I've ever had.. We still rock bangs like nobody else! Keepin' it real.

Colleen said...

Psshhh, I could write a book on patience lol. Loved this post though. And please remember that it only took us like a couple weeks to become best friends, so sometimes it happens haha. But then again God can teach us a lot when we have to wait for things... I could write a book about that too! ;) Thanks for sharing your heart. I hate to admit it, but I'm already jealous of your future besties over there, and that they get to live in the same city as you. And in the meantime you have Rene and Jesus and Skype. I love you!!!